30 | cny cny cny

Facebook had a "on this day" notification. This photo was taken 2 years ago by Mark. Can't wait to be playing mahjong with the games gang soon!

ps. slightly sad to miss all the steamboats in singapore.

029 | supermarkets give me a sense of security

and bookshops and stores like Tiger give me a sense of wonder. Maybe that's why Tesco was the first place I thought of going when I felt I needed to get out and go somewhere. There's something about how the shelves are almost always stocked, and how you know where each item is roughly going to be. It just gives the world a bit of order.

There's an unsettling feeling at the pit of my stomach and I don't know why it's there or how it got there.







I need to put something up on tictail within the next few days.

I need to finish this school project.

I need to scrape off the burnt sugar in the oven.

I need to check all my past work before submitting them for formative assessment.

I need to reply emails.

I need to take Mark's advice -

I need to stop.

027 | 2016

This is me feeling really happy that there is sun out today. It's a gift when the sun rises at 9 and sets at 3. (Also, I think those eyebrows are pretty on point) Anyway, I'm not usually one for new year resolutions but this year felt different. It feels huge. And exciting and it makes me smile and gives me goosebumps. So I'm going to use the hashtag from church here.

#thefutureishuge

Is your 2016 going to be a breakthrough or a scrape-through?

I intend for mine to be a breakthrough.

023 | Daniel goes to prom

#proudsistermoment

022 | getting into the mood for christmas

We set up the tree yesterday. It really feels like christmas now. And it also really feels like home now.

(Ripped this off snapchat again)

(Heads up, I might not be posting anything other than christmas-related stuff for the next few weeks. Except maybe about Daniel's prom.)

021 | this planet is gorgeous

Just got this Chrome extension on Saturday that shows you a part of earth every time you open a new tab. It's so cool!

How nice that the first place it shows me is Austria (link to the exact view I got). Austria is where one of my hostel friends is from. She does boxing and football and is very happy to eat pizza (but then again, who isn't). She also gets bullied by "the German" fairly often.

Hmm I need to take some portraits of them before I leave. Yes, that's going to be number 2 on my list for this week. (Number 1 is to finish this assignment, and number 3 is to pack everything) oh my, I'm going to London in 4 days, and landing in Singapore in 10!

Also, while making this GIF, I accidentally found out that pressing command-shift-3 on the mac automatically takes a screen grab of the entire screen!

020

I played poker for the first time in my life on the 20th of November, in the year 2015. It was interesting. I barely knew what was going on but I was winning the first round (probably beginners' luck) so that was cool. Then I was third last to be out in the second round (there were 7 to begin with). The chips were all just colours to me so it was kind of fun to just whack and #yolo.

That night was also the second time I was having any form of alcohol since being here. And it was the  first time I had rum and coke (I think?). So yeah, it was a night of firsts, and a pretty great way to celebrate the end of the third assignment in school (submitted earlier that day, and which I am not very satisfied with, but very glad it's over) (but not all assignments will work out the way you want them to, right?).

Thankful for the fun palz in this hostel.

008 | summary of the last few days

being sick sux

this is not how my handwriting usually looks (it looks better, i hope)

evian water is actually the cheapest bottled water here. and sparkling water helps with flu.

i also have a new found appreciation for ginger chicken soup

003

Ad Reinhardt inspired black on black, with reference to sentence one in paragraph two

I've been following this blog for quite a long while now. And her writing always touches (she doesn't know me, but if Jingxi, if you're here, hello, thanks for being so honest in your writing. I'm Clara's friend btw). This post got me thinking it's about time I share that my life isn't all smiles and glitter and sunshine. Living alone in a foreign land is not all that cool. And contrary to seemingly popular belief, I don't always have it altogether.

There's such an emptiness that I cannot comprehend; a void that I've never felt before. It's like when I had an operation in secondary school to remove my appendix, and there was a dull ache that just would not go away. It's frustrating and it hurts. It hurts so much.

But I'm learning so much too. I'm learning to run into my Jesus' arms and seek shelter. The helplessness makes me realise just how small I am and how big and powerful He is, and how much I really need Him. I learnt today that simply by being here, I am a living, breathing testimony of answered prayers - prayers of good health, of purpose, of happiness, of fulfilment, of studying in university, of safety, and so much more.

I learnt that by being in C7's life group (they call it life group here, not cell group), that I'm part of God answering their prayers for a bigger group. And they were praying when the group had only three people. There were 16 people today.

And I'm learning that leaving might be painful but God loves me so much. He loves me enough to put me through the hurt because a relationship with Him is worth so much more than any pain.

And since I'm writing, might as well throw in a song.

Side note: I thought it fairly amusing that my mind went on a tangent while thinking what I was thinking, all the way to our presentation of Ad Reinhardt's work and Yong En's enthusiasm and Em's passion/angst.

001 | Starting Again

Today was enrolment/registration day.
Basically went to school for an hour to collect my student card and some other documents.

My hostel (yet to be known as home) has never felt more comforting than now.

Home is such a fleeting word.
Where is home? What is home?

The people here are nice.
But nothing beats having people you're comfortable with around you. And no one beats the people that make you feel so at ease you don't think about what you're doing.

I miss home.
But where is it and what is it? Or who is it?

If anything, I'm alive

Things have been amazing and terrifying and mind blowing and terrible and lovely all at the same time. I never knew I could feel so much and so vividly.

The recent past and near future has much to show and tell but I'm in no place to process everything or share anything right now.

Please bear with me, I'll be back soon.

Sorry and thank you.

Snapchat Stories

Snapchat is legitimately probably one of the most liberating apps you have have on your phone. For real. I love it. Yesterday, my phone was nudging me to delete stuff to make more storage space. So when I was clearing stuff, I re-watched the videos and omg, love. I tried to upload videos but it didn't work out, so, sorry, too bad.

For when I am turning 20.

The thought of turning twenty and possibly leaving home and making life work scares me. It petrifies me. I'm writing this post now, on 11 November 2014, hoping to post this about a week or so before hitting the big two-zero. These two songs have been playing on my iPod.

1, 2.
Have a listen.

Maybe they give you the same sense of hope it gives me.


Today: 6 April 2015

I turned 20 a week or so ago and I was asked how I feel about it. Since I already journaled some thoughts, I thought I could just share it. The following is as quoted from my journal.

I had dinner with Deanna just now and she asked me how I felt about turning 20. My first word/reaction was “fuck” in caps and spaced out. But it is (still 19, turning 20 at this point), less of a blow than it was when I turned 19. I think that’s because of several things.

1. At 19, there were more unknowns than now, at 20. Or maybe I’ve come to be at peace with the idea that it’s okay to not know and not be certain. Or maybe a large part of 19’s “unknown” was about what I would be doing with my life in the coming years and if I’d be able to get into a university. And 20’s peace comes from having that ‘unknown’ known.

2. At 19, I didn’t know who I was or who I was becoming, or who I wanted to be. 19’s confusion stemmed from knowing that I could be anything I wanted. And 20’s peace comes from a year of practicing acceptance. I have learnt to be okay with me, with what “me” can do and what “me” likes. Being okay with that resulted in me liking “me”, and thus being comfortable with who I am becoming and ultimately, who I become.

3. 19’s struggle was much to do with resistance towards settling. 20’s calmness comes from settling on one conscious decision to not settle. There’s always more to everything. More to work towards, more to see, more to do, more to hear, more to love. And ultimately, more to give.

20’s peace comes from knowing god exists, and knowing His is, and will always be, my Abba Father.

Ps. When I Grow Up still lightens my mood and always makes me hopeful.

Drowning in Problems (kind of?)

I'm in the middle of doing an infographic and I'm kind of drowning in problems (caused by it). But on the bright side, I die and take a long time to be forgotten. So, this is a celebration to the fact that we all die in the end, with or without our problems and challenges. And if you're anything like me, I'm glad I die having overcome some challenge or another. (yes, this infographic will get done, and it'll be done damn well)

(see you soon, I have yet to update on part II and III of the staycation)

Thoughts on completing internship

The gif was made when I was half way through the 22 weeks, and trying very hard to complete my interim report. Evidently, even around 20 hours before the deadline, I was still struggling and, obviously procrastinating.

Having completed my 22-week internship, I can only say I’m really glad this is over. Like, really glad. Sure, I’ve learnt a lot and made friends and pushed boundaries and all, but the end of this internship has been overdue for a couple of weeks. That said, I’m still extremely thankful for the opportunities and the ups and the downs. But I’m ready for what’s next.

Getting out of it

I fell in love yesterday. With a girl with the hairstyle I've been wanting to get for the last 3/4 year or so. I didn't even see her face but I thought she was stunning. Sad thing is, she probably doesn't realise how beautiful she is. It was during this bus ride that I kicked myself again for losing the habit of bringing post-its or loose paper for letters for strangers around at all times. I really should start doing that again.

And I really should start blogging again. I'm only realising that I've lost the momentum I've built up so far (looking back, 2 posts a week was pretty impressive by my track record). But we all have to start somewhere (again). So, I'm starting from January's mini goal of posting 2 posts up this month. It's only the start of the second week of January so I guess I'm making progress.

Thank you for your patience.

Oh my, time flies

4 days have gone past since the last post and I was reminded that it's time to upload a post again today. I don't have much to say today even though a lot of things have been going on. Pappa Chui has approved my bulk purchase of a hundred tote bags so I'm really excited for the line that's going to be launched concurrently with Made Real, a company founded by my ex-classmates (they always amaze me). I'll talk more about that closer to the date, which is sometime in January.

As of now, I've been using that phrase (as of now) quite a bit. And in my desperate attempts to finish packaging everything for the store's launch (hopefully before 1 December this year), the floor of my room has been completely covered with cards, envelopes, papers, and well, more papers. At least it's an organised mess within which I can still walk without stepping on anything.

The html is done for the store and my dad's done lecturing me about the more important legal stuff that I need to take note of (like placing a note about confidentiality and stuff). So now, I just need to finish packaging everything, buy my stamps and photograph everything. Still feels like I've got a long list of things to do though. Oh well, one thing at a time.

Till about 4 days later,
Abby.

Bus Ride Musings

I was walking home this evening, thinking about everything. Well, as 'everything' as my brain could handle at once. That includes university, and how the course I have been wanting to attend for the longest time just announced 6 days ago that it's being cancelled (meaning to say, possibly not taught again) and what on earth I am going to do now, especially after that one hour long career counselling session with my lecturer over the phone (fried brain) which gave me a lot to think about. (Sorry, long sentence). It also includes the shop that I'm launching on 1 December this year and how I still have so much to do, internship now and how I have a love-hate relationship with my desk, and lastly, my weight.

Anyone who knows me or even seen me before would probably be going "what" now. But it's true. I'm thin. And I eat whatever I want. But it doesn't mean I'm not concerned about it.

But anyway, the point of this post was to share this song that has been playing on my iPod for a really really long time. Enjoy! Aren't these kids just talented?

Just to say I'm still alive.

I'm just here to say I'm still alive and kicking (dancing, to be more accurate). Yes, dance, internship and life in general, has made me a bzbzbz girl. But at least it's a fun, fulfilling and enriching kind of busy.

The picture was part of a work that was in a book that I was cataloguing. The most exciting thing about helping with the cataloguing was that I was given permission to enter the mini library any time I wanted. So yay for all the books we can't  even find in the Reference section of the National Library.

Okay, the DIY will come, hopefully after Recital madness is over. And I'm more or less recovered from interacting with too many people in too short a time frame.

Oh, and in other news, I've finally attended the first Creative Morning Singapore session of my life! It was inspiring to say the least. Today's lecture was about crossover - urban crossover, to be exact. And  I learnt this:

I'm already in the city. I was born and raised in the city. People come here to make it big. I have no reason not to make things happen.

So, I'm going to make it happen. Watch this space, guys. The shop is launching soon.

Cue warm fuzzy feelings right about NOW

This made me miss you guys so much. Sending my love (even though I know you guys probably won't ever see this).